The Passions of Neighbors.

Copied/pasted from the fabulous list section at McSweeney's:

Apparent Passions of
My Upstairs Neighbors.
BY GLENN LINGLE

- - - -

Moving furniture

Rolling bowling balls off of tables

Keeping time to music by beating a staff

Picking up anvils, and then dropping them

Riverdance


Applied to my own situation:

Apparent Passions of
My Strange Easterly Upstairs Neighbor
and The Disturbing Couple Downstairs.
BY NILLY

- - - -

Avidly practicing both clarinet and pipe organ in preparation for a career as a live elevator-muzak performer in Disneyland's Enchanted Castle.

Operating an underground daycare business for the care and feeding of semi-domestic rhinoceri. (Possibly trading them on the black market?)

Pursuing a world record title for "Most Days Spent Lurking Indoors With the Mini-Blinds Completely Closed." (And perhaps a second title for "Most Deprived of Vitamin D and Healthy Social Interaction.")

Having alarming domestic disputes** involving shouting and door-slamming competitions.

Participating in the Dance Dance Revolution (between aforementioned disputes).

**We called the cops once, because it sounded as though the woman was in physical danger. The disputes have been less severe ever since, but I still worry about weirdness going on downstairs. Whenever I hear something gnarly erupting from the netherlands, I stomp around the apartment loudly so that they know they're being distantly surveilled; it's the best I can do. Lately the woman has begun shouting back at the man, and I haven't heard any sounds of slamming or pursuit, so I think the situation is perhaps improving--but it's hard to tell. I keep tabs on them the best that I can, but don't want to get too involved, for obvious reasons.
Bit uncomfortable.